| You Can't Hear Me Laughing |
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| 02:31am 29/12/2008 |
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He said to me: “I want to lay in a hammock with you and drink Arnold Palmers. Do you know what an Arnold Palmer is? It’s lemonade and iced tea mixed together. I’ll make up a whole tray of Arnold Palmers for us and we’ll drink them while we lie in the hammock together. Better yet, we’ll hire someone else to do it. We’ll have one person to mix up the Arnold Palmers for us, and we’ll have another person who’s just there to roll the whole tray of them out to us, to our hammock. That way there isn’t any valuable mixing time wasted. and there won’t be just two drinks for us on the tray. The whole tray will be completely full of tall, icy glasses of Arnold Palmers, just for us, in our hammock. We’ll be constantly drinking Arnold Palmers. They’ll just keep coming out, so it won’t matter if one of us drinks faster than the other one.
“And our backyard won’t be traditionally fenced in, either. That’s where our hammock will be, in the backyard. We’ll have a wooden fence, sure, but the wood that makes up the fence will be the same wood that makes up the trunks of the trees that are in the forest behind our house. ‘But if there’s a forest, how will we watch the sunset?’ Not to worry. Our hammock will be situated on top of a small hill. We’ll be able to see the tops of the tress in our backyard forest, and we’ll be able to see the sun set. We’ll see the horizon. We’ll see beyond the horizon. We’ll see the edge of the earth. The other side of the earth! Everything! When it’s summer, we won’t be too hot because we’ll see the winter in Australia. We’ll sip our Arnold Palmers and think about how nice it is to be here and not there. We’ll say that and we’ll laugh, because it’s always nicer to be where we are. It’s always better to be in our hammock than it is to be in any other place in the whole, wide world. But we’ll say it anyway, because that’s so ‘like us,’ that’s so ‘something we would say.’ Wouldn’t that be nice?” |
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| meh. |
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| 02:06pm 20/02/2007 |
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since a lot of people read my myspace, and i'm pretty sure everyone has forgotten about my livejournal, i feel safe saying this here.
wherever you are, i'm so, so sorry. we're both sorry.
we would have loved you. i promise. |
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| dear kierkegaard: |
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| 07:36pm 16/12/2006 |
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mood:  infuriated
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WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?! honestly, a "teleological suspension of the ethical"?
FUCK YOU. |
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| it's been a long time. |
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| 03:14pm 15/05/2006 |
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mood:  anxious
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it's been a long time and, in the grand scheme of college finals week, i'm doing everything i can to avoid doing research for a fifteen page paper due wednesday by midnight: a commentary on wittgenstein, heidegger, and language as a social activity. this will be the last, really big philosophy paper i ever have to write.
why, you say? because i added english as a second major. why, you ask again? because i'm a little bit fucked in the head and i have a thirst for being as busy as humanly possible. i like to see how far i can push myself without actually pointing a gun to my head. anyway, the point is, i have a feeling that whatever i end up doing will be english-related. i'll still have to do some philosophy here and there -- i need to take one more class and do another run of independent study -- but this seems like it. and i'm a little bit happy.
part of me being crazy is that i'm taking 23 units next semester. which is fine. i can handle it. i think. my boyfriend/best friend in the entire world is moving to fullerton, which is probably for the best since all he'll do here is distract me completely. plus, going to fullerton two or three times a month will be a nice little vacation from fresno, fresno state, fresno people, and fresno problems. i'm so over it, and grad school seems too far away. i will be done in the spring. you can bet dollars to donuts on that one, whatever that means.
summer school is coming up. i've never had to do summer school before. i don't have to do it now, really, but it's part of my plan to be out of here come spring 2007. i'm excited about it, but i'm usually excited about any kind of school starting. this will be different though. i'm psyched to take classes that aren't philosophy or english. it'll be interesting. plus i feel like with such intensive classes, i'll be able to focus a lot more than i would normally be able to during the school year, where my focus is spread out as far as it possibly can, meaning shit just doesn't get done when it should. i've gotten by so far, though. i can take it.
in further news, july 3 will be my first official day of summer. i'm done with summer school june 30, my dance recital is july 2, and after that, it's on. i'm happy. i miss my friends. who doesn't?
that's more or less all i've got for now. |
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| what the fuck?! |
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| 11:01am 05/12/2005 |
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mood: shocked
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the other night i met someone who DOESN'T LIKE PORN.
... |
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| 01:31pm 07/11/2005 |
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mood:  ecstatic
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i got my nape pierced! pictures soon. |
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| 12:19pm 13/06/2005 |
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i TOTALLY never update anymore.
someone tell me when this whole employment freeze is done. i feel lazy and REALLY don't want to have to resort to hollister.. |
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| 03:42pm 05/04/2005 |
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mood:  refreshed
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i just did something way cool.
it entails talking to my favorite manager ever, finding out that people i didn't like so much no longer work at blockbuster, and feeling really good about going back to work.
so, the something i just did that was way cool: reapplying to blockbuster.
as jeff said, "i'll hire you in a second."
bbv, bitchessss! it's on! |
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| 01:29am 02/04/2005 |
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mood:  groggy music: MITCH HEDBERG WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE?
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let me tell you folks a story about employment.
when i was eighteen i got my very first job. blockbuster, it was. and at first, i was scared, but everyone was incredibly supportive and laid-back, so of course i grew to adore my managers and coworkers (most of them).
then, around november of 2004, i decided it was time to quit. i was getting sick and i was working myself to death at school and i kind of wanted to try something new.
so, i went on a hiatus from employment.
recently i got hired at starbucks, which was my dream job.
after three days, i have quit.
it was insanity.
and my assistant manager.. well... for those of us who know the blockbuster on good old shaw and feland, she was megan times twenty. with power. she also goes out of her way to make all the new girls cry. i'm not kidding. she's made every new girl cry.
and today was my day, apparently.
so.. after a lot of unhappiness, an hour of crying, and two panic attacks (which i haven't had in over a year, mind you), i decided that maybe starbucks wasn't such a good idea.
that, and i've been having MAD blockbuster fantasies.
friday night shifts where it's all crazy, but it's okay because you're working with awesome people.
awesome coworkers in general. man, i took that shit for granted.
i also miss that if i ever had a test that required some crazy studying, or a sudden urge to leave fresno, or simply something else to do, i could get a shift covered with no questions asked and no problem. talk about a lack of stress.
i hate that starbucks claims to have flexible hours, but in reality they don't. i gave them my availability. i told them about my dance classes. they weren't having that. i would have had to work through the majority of my dance classes which is bullshit.
when i asked my assistant manager what her recommendation for me was, she replied: "i think you should pray."
i swear.
the NEXT PERSON who tries to solve a problem of mine by suggesting i pray, is getting slapped like a bitch.
"doctor, i have a kidney infection." ... "maybe you should try praying."
"assistant manager, i'm unhappy and anxious." ... "i suggest prayer."
i'm about this close: [] to dragging my ass to jeff/soni to see if he'll/they'll hire me again.
i'm also very close to begging.
it's like a relationship where you feel suffocated so you go run around and date all these people and end up realizing that you should have just stayed where you were. bored, but content.
i miss the old bbv.
i hope it misses me back. |
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| 12:53pm 14/03/2005 |
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mood:  hyper
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sooooo, today has been good.
i have the MOST BEAUTIFUL term paper topic for my bacon to kant class.
okay. you ready? here goes.
first, i wanted to explore pico della mirandola, but he wouldn't let me because he's too early.
so, after class, i was like, "bitch, you can't tell us that we can explore something we're wildly interested in and then tell us that the only philosopher of that era that explores it can't be written about because he's too 'early.' what can i do?"
the answer: i get to write a paper on kant's categorical imperative, and how his concept of personhood relates to contemporary views and values of existentialism asdlkfjas;lfkjs;adlfjs;aldfl;sad;adjfdf [orgasm].
my talk with kessler ended with: "oh, and laura? i'd love to talk to you about existentialism sometime!"
yay! my new favorite teacher.
this shit will be famous.
or at least it will get me an A.
because i won't let it do anything less.
i even found a way to sneak existentialism into the lord of the rings paper i have to write, on the subject of free will, character essence, and the power of the ring.
fuck latin, we're all failing and i refuse to go.
i got my job at starbucks(shaw and villa -- which is bad because me working at starbucks is like an alcoholic working in a bar), and last night i had a nightmare that i made the worst venti caramel frappucino ever.
i was secretly hoping they'd put me at shaw and feland so i could deal out free drinks to blockbuster employees. no such luck.
..."deal out" makes me sound like a drug dealer. |
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| 09:18pm 09/03/2005 |
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mood: ecstatic
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a few updates worth mentioning:
-i'm officially a dance teacher, of the hip hop style.
-i quit hollister before i even started. i just couldn't do it and respect myself at the same time.
-i had an interview at starbucks this morning, and have another one on friday. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed.
oh, and most importantly, the best news of the day:
I'M getting PUBLISHED. |
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| 12:34pm 23/02/2005 |
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mood:  grateful
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i have a job now.
at hollister.
i'm slightly happy.
it's a job and i will get paid.
a very sizeable portion of me wants to go back to blockbuster, but a more sizeable portion of me wants to do something different.
and hollister...
well, it's different.
i feel like i'm not allowed to wear any other brand of clothing now. |
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| 02:51pm 22/02/2005 |
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mood: anxious
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also, i have an interview at hollister in an hour.
this is because they offered me a job.
so the likely outcome is that i will soon work at hollister.
love me or leave me. |
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| 11:48am 22/02/2005 |
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mood:  grumpy
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i got my first philosophy paper of the semester back. it's only three percent of my grade.
but i got a B+.
and i'm seething in anger.
I'M SUCH AN 88% KIND OF A GIRL.
jasfkjsldkfjs;aldfjsl;dafj. |
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| 12:27am 21/02/2005 |
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mood:  crushed
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you don't deserve me.
i don't know if that's actually true.
but it's how i feel right now and i'm going to say it.
it must be nice to have someone to call when you're upset and crying.
but unfortunately, you've already been hired to do that job for someone else.
so who do i get to call?
yeah. i don't know either. |
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| smittcamp and stephanie. |
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| 10:42am 08/02/2005 |
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mood: annoyed
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today i went and visited dr. anagnostopolous and tried to get some papers back from her. she didn't have them -- i was sad. but we talked about sartre, and i'm always game for that.
i also helped out with the veritas forum, by taping some cards together to put on tables. that was... interesting. all the other kids helping out are in smittcamp. we all know how i feel about that.
well, maybe we don't.
smittcamp kids aggravate me. some are okay. most aren't. they think they're badass because they're in smittcamp. YOU'RE STILL AT FRESNO STATE. YOU AREN'T AT HARVARD.
it may seem like i'm jealous that i'm not in smittcamp.
well, of course i am.
of course, that's my own fault, since i didn't even apply. but who wouldn't want a free laptop and paid tuition to college? if i had that, i could use my "education fund" for something much more wild, like.. like apartment rent or just a lot of clothes. that's definitely worth it.
smittys.
i think that's what makes it more interesting, that they refer to themselves as "smittys," as if they're part of some old-money, familial franchise that no one else can be apart of unless you're bred into it. "hi, i'm sheldon, i'm a smitty." yeah, well fuck you.
i wish that i had said "fuck you" to a lot more people in high school. i was thinking about that this morning.
i would have said "fuck you" to stephanie tucker for trying to convince me to use her speech in acadec because mine was "boring" and apparently hers wasn't. well, FUCK YOU stephanie. i got a medal for my speech. what did you get? oh yeah. jack shit. because you weren't even in it. you were an alternate. but of course, i grinned and said "okay" and actually considered it. what the sweet jesus? i wouldn't do that now. i wouldn't tell her to fuck herself, either, but.. well, i wouldn't have been such a puss, either.
i'm totally going to paris in december. |
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| 01:00pm 31/01/2005 |
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mood: discontent music: "such great heights" - iron and wine.
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here's an update for you.
the only good news i have to report from my life is this:
i'm taking my lsats on june 6th.
that, and now i know that the desk i sit in was made by a prisoner.
thanks, dr kessler. |
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| 04:51pm 19/01/2005 |
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mood:  blah
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in other news, today was the first day of school.
i greatly appreciated it.
well, only a little bit.
my epistemology class is BAM. rockin'. my teacher lets us call him michael, and he is the first professor that admits to the fact that most of our education (including philosophy classes -- that was the point of the lecture) is a waste of time and we would benefit more from playing video games. a-men.
bacon to kant will maybe be boring. i could tell right away. although my professor is a sweet, sweet old man.
the tolkien class... jesus. full of crazy, cult-like, addicted "lord of the rings" fans. i should have known. and i did. i just seriously had no idea it would be that.. CREEPY. which is really the only word i could use to describe it.
and of course, as in every class, there are the suck-ups that dedicate their first day of class to answering all these questions and becoming "buddy buddy" with the prof.
my tolkien prof, who is 49 but looks 14, is also into biblical studies. so today we had to read genesis 1 (because it's a creation story). i remembered why i'm not christian. reading biblical stories just gives me more questions to ask and more nonsensical thoughts to think about.
you know, like:
if fruit trees weren't in existence before the beginning, then how could he say, "let there be fruit-trees"? nothing would happen. there wouldn't be anything to base it off of.
why is light good and dark bad?
and furthermore, were the notions of good and evil already present before the world even existed? how could that be?
where did the fucking water come from that was the basis of the earth?
where did any of the materials come from?
don't tell me "god" made them. that isn't a real answer. things don't appear out of thin air. go ahead -- try it. it won't work. |
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| 03:17pm 13/01/2005 |
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mood:  bored
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i finished a farewell to arms last night. it made me very, very sad.
not just because of the ending, although that was ridiculously heartbreaking as well.
just because i HATE ending good books. i laid down in bed afterwards for a good twenty minutes, doing nothing, just soaking in the book.
one of the best books i've ever read, by far.
i love when really, really good books are on the "required reading" list for certain schools. although i never read it in high school. obviously.
i love ernest hemingway.
now i'm in between books, which is a feeling i don't like. bedtime gets lonely.
looks like it's time for the lord of the rings.
although i kind of want to take some time for hemingway's short stories before i dive into such an adventure. because i'm hoping (fingers crossed) that i get really into the trilogy. i'll learn elvin and everything.
maybe.
i'm thinking about not taking history this semester.
it would knock me back down to a normal 15 units.
plus, with the amount of reading i have to do for my other classes (which are ALL philosophy/classical studies), i feel like petty history chapters would just get in the way.
i love when i justify things.
keep this in mind: lege labris volumen inguinale mihi.
it means, "lip read my trouser scroll."
latin could not be a better language. everything just sounds so scholarly. |
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